By adulthood, you become pretty good at judging yourself and others. You have had plenty of experience to understand whom you get along with and whom you do not.
AT work, not everyone needs to be your friend. Some tense relationships can hurt your performance. It is important to understand how to navigate safely under these tense situations and get your work done.
As humans, we have our own set of beliefs about how we should behave and how we expect others to behave and communicate. We have our own biases that determine how we perceive everything around us. Many of these biases have a profound effect on who and how we get along with and who and why we find difficult.
At the same time, we have a natural desire to be liked by others. When there is a conflict we naturally blame the other person. We always wish to work with people we like. But this is not possible, especially in a workplace environment. So how do you manage to work with someone you dislike?
First, take a look at yourself.
many a time we dislike a person without knowing why and then look for signs to prove ourselves right. We manipulate the facts to make us feel right. We are also good at retaining information about people we do not like. Once we form an impression about a person it is nearly impossible to change it.
However, we can learn from happy and successful people how they find healthy ways of working with people they would normally not choose to work with. They adapt their strategies to achieve the desired results.
The best way to deal with this is to get the work completed quickly so that you reduce the time spent with the person you do not like and also stop feeling frustrated thereby saving valuable time that would otherwise be wasted.
Grow-up.
Do not react or succumb to childish behaviours, like being defensive or ignoring the person. Identify behaviours that would help you get the best out of that person.
Remove yourself from unproductive conversations, and when you need to confront a person do it privately and respectfully before the problem grows out of hand.
When you are being hurried or forced into completing your work quickly, pause, reflect and approach them explaining the reason why you need more time/resources and also clearly laying out the time you require to meet the deadlines. This clarity improves the relationship in the long run.
Respect others for their contributions.
Identify what you can appreciate about the person. Be respectful and do not dilute your image by being disrespectful to others you do not like.
Show compassion to people you meet. Listen, reflect on the needs of others, adjust your opinions and add value to the conversation.
respect others’ opinions, ideas and differences. By respecting the behavioural styles you gain a new perspective and understand the information you receive better.
Don’t focus on the negatives.
Do not hold grudge against anyone. You are likely to find the evidence you are looking for and this will reinforce your thoughts.
\When someone annoys you, instead of thinking about what they are doing think of how you are reacting. What are the words, thoughts, and behaviours that upset you Work out a way to manage these irritants without getting annoyed?
Think of what triggers your annoyance or anger, write it down, and decide if you can let it go or if you need to address it with the person in a proper one-on-one conversation. Discuss how you can best work together and what changes can be done on both sides to make things work.
Try to connect.
Look for good in every person and bring it up in conversations with them. Focusing on the person and identifying common values would make you less inclined to focus on their external behaviour that you dislike.
Be strategic.
Consider what outcome is needed and how to achieve it. You may need to change the way you work with the person, perhaps help him build a new skill or connect them with others to complete the work.
Focus on things that you can do to help them succeed. invest time to ensure that the person knows his role and responsibilities and is clear about when the work has been completed.
Choose your battles.
there are times when you need to confront someone. Find a way to constructively share your view and speak the truth. This happens especially when your values are being questioned. Sometimes they may be rubbing you the wrong way for no reason, you should let it go and it will dissipate over time.
The key is being emphatic. looking at the situation from another person’s view and not being judgemental. take time to consider the feelings, ideas and experiences of whoever rubs you the wrong way. have some patience, tolerance and understanding. remember, not everyone needs to be your friend. you can very well work and respect people you may not like.
How to Work with Someone You Really Don’t Like
by Lisa Stephenson
HBR 2021/11
R2G 