In every workplace, some people are senior, in positions of power or earned respect who behave sometimes very irrationally or ambiguously and occasionally quite vindictively.
It may become quite difficult to work with people like this. However, we need to move on and get our work done. At the same time, if we do not address these small conflicts and allow them to accumulate it could affect performance, make the work miserable and cause plenty of stress. Hence, it is important to learn why such colleagues behave the way they do, learn tricks to deal with them and decide when to persist and walk away.
Building relationships with such colleagues may seem difficult but it is something that can be learned. Let us look at three typical behaviours that are difficult to deal with and how one can manage them
The pessimist.
There are many reasons why pessimists behave the way they do. It could be due to a desire for control, or driven by anxiety or even driven by how he was treated in the past. Sometimes there could be legitimate reasons for being negative.
It is important to find ways to work productively. Negative attitudes can be contagious infecting the whole team.
Tactics
- Acknowledge their worries and reframe them: When the pessimist brings up an issue, listen to them and present an alternate viewpoint. Don’t be patronising.
- Use their outlook as a positive tool: If your colleague habitually finds risks in any project or activity, he can perhaps play the role of “devil’s advocate” officially. Appointing such a person in every team, helps teams to make better decisions taking into account all negative outcomes and providing for it. You can seek out his perspectives on a project you are working on to better understand the risks.
- Agree to team norms: Singling out one person within the team can be counterproductive, but you can set norms for the whole team that would guide everyone on proper behaviours and procedures to be followed. You may require anyone who expresses criticism or negative opinion must also suggest a remedy for this.
The passive-aggressive peer.
These are team members who would say one thing and do another, display negative body language but agree superficially. They are never forthcoming about their true thoughts and use indirect methods to express their opinions. It is often driven by fears of failure or rejection or a feeling of helplessness.
Tactics:
- Stop labelling them as passive-aggressive: It may be tempting to call out their behaviour openly. Calling them out will only make them angrier and more defensive. Instead, try to understand their perspectives better.
- Focus on the message, not the behaviour: Try to understand what they are trying to say. What they are trying to convey, do they disagree with the teams’ goals? Such thoughts or opinions cannot be discussed easily in the open and hence try to understand their root concern and how this can be addressed.
- Create a safe environment for honest discussion: Show an interest in the other person’s perspective, however hard it may be. The benefit would be to open up a conversation that allows the person to acknowledge their feelings and gradually move away from responding passive-aggressively.
The know-all:
These are people who are extremely confident but confidence without competence can make people ignore feedback and take credit for team successes. Some of these types of team members may adopt this attitude to overcome their sense of insecurity. Such behaviours can affect the team morale and may damage your career too.
Tactics:
- Address interruptions: One way to avoid interruptions is to request team members present to refrain from interrupting. Explain how much time you would take, and hold all questions till the end. If there are interruptions still, address them directly and calmly but without raising your voice.
- Ask for specific facts: Another way to deal with a know-all is to ask for specific facts to back up their claims or declarations. SO not be confrontational and be respectful. You can even offer to collect data with the team if sufficient data is not available.
- Be humble: Many team members act overconfident and know-all to project confidence. You can instead project a model of humility and open-mindedness. this would set an example and when others see that there are no adverse effects by being open to comments they would also gradually drop their over-confident behaviour.
All the above recommendations above, requires you to be the “adult” in the room. What you can attempt to do is to change your approach to managing negative relationships. Even small changes can shift the dynamics of your relationship between you and troublesome team members.
3 Types of Difficult Coworkers and How to Work with Them
by Amy Gallo
May 30, 2023
R2G 